Green Sexy

A "Green Porno"?

It seems like everything else has gone green these days---why not porno? Now, does this mean that we have porno stars using biodegradable condoms and eco-friendly lube?  Well, not exactly.  You see, Isabella Rossellini, former Lancome model and star of the ultra-sexually-charged movie Blue Velvet, has changed her focus from human desire and sexuality to that of the insect and animal world.  She has created a series of internet shorts on animal sexuality entitled Green Porno that can be viewed on Sundance Channel's website.  Season one focused on the sexuality of insects, while her new season two focuses on sea creatures and their sexual exploits.  The costumes and props she uses on the show are purposely amateurish and child-like, as the aim of the show is to amuse and inform, rather than to arouse. 

So, if you're looking for a good laugh and have a super short attention span, then get turned on to Rossellini's Green Porno, and you'll never see "green" the same way again!  Now, that's Green-Sexy!

WALL-E: Disney Goes Green?

Okay.  I admit it.  I loved the Pixar movie WALL-E.  Yes, I'm aware that it's a Disney movie---the same evil company that, along with a handful of other corporations, largely controls the media we are exposed to in this country and around the world.  I usually try to eschew Disney movies like the plague, but that has become a task too difficult to achieve in the last few years because of the somewhat recent appearance of a handful of nieces. 

Anyway, WALL-E is a fantastic cautionary tale of how a careless and consumer-driven society can destroy the Earth, effectively burying it under tons of garbage and e-waste.  The opening scene of the movie is worth the price of admission alone.  The movie opens up with a far shot of the Earth from space, and then as it zooms in closer you see what you think are skyscrapers, but in reality, they are towers of garbage created by armies of Waste Allocation Load Lifter-Earth Class robots, or WALL-E, for short.  A Wal-Mart-esque company named BnL (for "Buy N Large") had effectively hijacked the world's consciousness, pushing its agenda of buying for the sake of buying.  BnL even had worked its way into the oval office (which is not a far cry from the influence that Wal-Mart has on Washington's "finest").  With such unchecked influence, humans became mass-consumers, and consequently, mass-wasters.  Eventually, Earth was evacuated by the BnL corporation because it had become a giant garbage dump.  The only thing left behind were the WALL-E robots and cockroaches. 

Another slam at American excess in this movie is the fact that, after 700+ years on the BnL spaceship they had originally evacuated on, humans have become morbidly obese, lazy, leisure-addicted slobs, who ride around in electronic recliners, while an army of servant robots wait on them.  These humans are plugged-in and tuned out, overstimulated and overfed---alive, but not really living their lives.  Sound like anyone you know?

I guess what I liked most about this movie is that it is an excellent commentary on our modern capitalistic consumer-driven society, and really makes us take a hard look at ourselves.  Trust me, I did not give away too much, so go see this movie!

Discovery Channel: Planet Green!

On Wednesday, June 4th, 2008, Discovery Channel will be launching Planet Green, an all-new, all-green-focused channel!   In an April 7th, 2007 press release, Discovery Communications Chief Executive David Zaslav announced that Discovery Home Channel was going to be reborn as Planet Green (as if I didn't already love Discovery Channel enough already!).  Corporate is throwing $50 million dollars into original programming, so expect exciting new Earth-friendly shows, such as:

-Supper Club is a show hosted by Dancing With the Stars' Tom Bergeron.  Each week Tom will sit down with four famous people to discuss pertinent green issues over an expertly-prepared dinner by a world-renowned chef.

-In WA$TED!, host Annabelle Gurwitch audits environmentally-unfriendly homes and helps the owners institute changes in their lifestyles that will equate to tangible financial savings.  "Each household's 21 days of results are then tabulated into the estimated savings that going green for the entire year would bring, which is awarded as a cash prize."  Sign me up!  

-The G Word, hosted by MTV's SuChin Pak and CBS News correspondent Daniel Sieberg, is a daily hour-long show that highlights a plethora of green topics!

-Renovation Nation, hosted by Steve Thomas (of This Old House), will explore green-building practices, from the homeowners who are "greening" their houses to the factories that produce green building materials...AND MORE!!!

This is just a brief introduction to this new and exciting channel.  To find out more, tune into Planet Green tomorrow and experience it for yourself!

Time Warner Goes Green---NOT!!!

When I received the green-and-white mailing that read:  "Go Green in May: go green for the convenience, go green for the stars, go green for the savings"; I was understandably intrigued.  I imagined it may be a new energy initiative from my natural gas provider or my electricity company, or it may even be some news about the proposed windmill farm in my town. 

Well, imagine my disillusionment when I opened up the mailing and discovered that it was an ad for the green list button on the Time Warner Cable digital remote control, and not anything remotely related to the environment!  Yes, folks, if you get a Digital Video Recorder from Time Warner Cable, you can press the green list button to pull up your most recently recorded shows, you'll also get the Starz movie channel, and finally, you'll get to "go green for the savings" and only pay $11.95 a month for 12 months!  Wowee-zowie!

Being that I just canceled two premium channels to try to reduce my obscenely high cable bill (I also have my phone and internet through Time Warner), which they promptly jacked up weeks later to deal with...I guess the cost of being a total monopoly---the last thing I need is to add another $12 to my bill. 

Also...what the hell?  Why are they using "Go Green" as their motto?  It's kind of like when you get that letter in the mail that says "You May Have Already Won!" on the envelope, and you open it and it's just a scam to get you to subscribe to Reader's Digest or something like that.  I felt kind of like a lemming, following some unseen instinctual force, marching towards the cliff because I had seen the words "Go Green"--- has it come to this?  Am I so brainwashed that, like Pavlov's dogs, I begin to mentally salivate when I hear or see the words "Go Green"?  And now a megacorporation like Time Warner carelessly uses these words totally out of context, knowing that it will attract the attention much better than: "Save Money...By Adding Another Superfluous Thing To Your Cable Service!" 

To quote Ice Cube, these ad execs at Time Warner had better "Check yo self before you wreck yo self!"  WORD.    

Recycle Golfweek Magazine

I am a huge proponent of recycling.  I am imploring anyone who has any copies of Golfweek Magazine to recycle this magazine immediately!

Dave Seanor, vice president and editor of Golfweek Magazine approved a cover for the January 19th issue that had a noose on it and a headline that read:  "Tilghman slips up and Golf Channel can't wriggle free."  This cover was created in response to an unfortunate and bizarre incident where Golf Channel broadcaster Kelly Tilghman said that the only way for young PGA players to be able to stop the seemingly unstoppable Tiger Woods was to "lynch (Tiger) in a back alley...".  This was an immensely insipid slip up, for which Tilghman has profusely apologized, and for which she was suspended by her employer.  Tiger Woods accepted her apology and said that he and Tilghman are "still friends" because he realizes that she had a momentary lapse of reason and had no malice or forethought behind her words.  Other prominent African Americans, such as Charles Barkley and Washington Post sports columnist and ESPN talk show host Michael Wilbon, have also weighed in on her transgression and have both largely forgiven her. 

Then came the Golfweek Magazine cover.  This is not just a split-second error on their part; they had over a week to contemplate this cover and all of its ramifications!  The president of the publishing company has apologized for the cover and Dave Seanor was also fired, but this does not excuse their premeditated move in placing such an incendiary item as a noose on their cover! 

So, like any good environmentalist, I encourage you on Martin Luther King Jr. Day to:

REDUCE by cancelling your subscription to Golfweek & by refusing to sell this rag in your stores

REUSE by using Golfweek to line your birdcage or for kindling for your fireplace

RECYCLE this magazine and all publications that discriminate unfairly, are biggoted, are racist, sexist, etc.

GO GREEN---DON'T BUY THIS MAGAZINE!